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The statistics on teen suicide are staggering. According to the Centers for Disease Control, each year, an average of 8% of American teens will attempt suicide. This makes suicide the second leading cause of death for kids aged 10 to 24. In fact, it is believed that more teenagers die from suicide than from cancer, pneumonia, birth […]
The statistics on teen suicide are staggering. According to the Centers for Disease Control, each year, an average of 8% of American teens will attempt suicide. This makes suicide the second leading cause of death for kids aged 10 to 24. In fact, it is believed that more teenagers die from suicide than from cancer, pneumonia, birth defects, AIDS, influenza and heart disease combined.
Studies have found that teens who have presented with a mood disorder or who abuse drugs are at the greatest risk of attempting suicide. While research suggests girls attempt suicide more often, boys more often die from it.
Unfortunately, there is still much stigma surrounding depression and suicide, and so often these kids keep their emotional pain to themselves.
What can parents of teenagers do to keep their children safe and healthy?
Speak with Your Kid
Many parents believe that trying to speak with their kids about their moods and feelings will only push them farther away. This is a dangerous misconception. In reality, teenagers need to know they are safe, loved and cared for.
You may want to begin your conversation by asking general questions about what’s going on in their life. When the time feels right, you can ask if they have ever had thoughts of self-harm. If their answer alarms you, ask specifically if they are planning on or intending to harm themselves.
Validate Their Feelings
Once you’ve begun this sensitive dialogue with your teen, it’s important to actively listen and validate their feelings. Your kid must really believe you are a) hearing what they’re telling you and b) recognizing the importance of it. Try and listen without judgement. This will help your child relax and open up, thereby giving you an opportunity to learn even more about their inner emotional life.
Clarify the Situation
If your teen confides they are having thoughts of suicide, it’s incredibly important that you remain calm and ask questions that will help you clarify the situation. You will want to determine if they are mentioning suicide because they:
Seek Professional Guidance
Any talk of suicide is a serious matter and requires professional guidance by a trained therapist. It’s important not to force your teen into any treatment plan, but instead, allow them to help direct the course of their plan. Some of their depression might stem from an overall lack of control they feel they have in their own life, so it’s important you let them have a voice in the direction of treatment. You may also find that you will want to speak with someone through this difficult time.
If you or a loved one is seeking treatment options for a troubled teen, please be in touch. I would be more than happy to discuss how I may be able to help your family.
There was a time when the phrase passive-aggressive was rarely uttered among non-psychologists. But it’s a phrase that is mentioned often these days. The problem is, passive-aggressive behavior is almost so common, that it’s hard for people to pinpoint what that behavior looks like exactly. Do you know any passive-aggressive people? Chances are you do. […]
There was a time when the phrase passive-aggressive was rarely uttered among non-psychologists. But it’s a phrase that is mentioned often these days.
The problem is, passive-aggressive behavior is almost so common, that it’s hard for people to pinpoint what that behavior looks like exactly.
Do you know any passive-aggressive people? Chances are you do. But do you know the real behaviors to spot? If not, keep reading to find out.
Passive-aggressive people love playing the part of the victim and martyr. Therefore they’ll never just come out and say “no” to something. Instead, they’ll go along with others’ plans and needs, and then sigh, shake their head and roll their eyes because they didn’t get their own way. Do you know anyone like this?
Every other sentence out of their mouth seems to be some form of complaint. They are usually low-grade complaints as again, they try to consistently mask their real feelings. It’s always a guessing game with these people.
“That dress looks so much better on you than the last one that made your hips look big.” Suppressed resentment is their currency and it tends to come out with backhanded compliments.
Do you have a coworker who resents that they weren’t assigned to head your project? Do they show up to work late? Work at a snail’s pace? Take long breaks? When passive-aggressive people don’t get their way, they will throw their brand of a tantrum so everyone suffers.
If pushing buttons were an Olympic event, the passive-aggressive person would bring home the gold, silver AND bronze medals. Once they know what annoys you, they can’t help but push, push, push.
Have you ever had a roommate, colleague or romantic partner take a call that you had been waiting for and then “accidentally” forgot to give you the message? Whoopsie! This is to teach you a lesson: don’t ever ask me to do anything for you again.
Have you ever known someone who seemed brilliant in so many instances, and yet, in a second, they become the Absent-Minded Professor? They suddenly forgot where they placed the very important documents you need for the board meeting? Or where they put your purse (why did they even touch or move your purse??!!). Again, these are instances of someone who has deep-seated anger and resentment, but who can’t just come forth and confront you in a mature and direct manner.
Dealing with passive-aggressive people is never fun. But if you know what signs to look for, you can steer clear as much as possible!
Valentine’s day is here (in case you haven’t already noticed by the inundation of hearts, flowers, and candy in stores). For many people it is a day of celebrating with their spouse or partner and showing them extra love and attention. For others, Valentine’s Day is a depressing reminder that they are single or perhaps […]
Valentine’s day is here (in case you haven’t already noticed by the inundation of hearts, flowers, and candy in stores). For many people it is a day of celebrating with their spouse or partner and showing them extra love and attention. For others, Valentine’s Day is a depressing reminder that they are single or perhaps grieving the recent loss of a loved one.
If you are celebrating today alone this year, here are a few ways to have a fulfilling Valentine’s Day.
It’s bad enough to feel lonely, but it’s even worse to scold yourself for doing so. Loneliness is not an indication that you’re doing anything wrong or that there is something wrong and unlovable about you.
Even people that are in relationships can feel incredibly lonely. Loneliness affects everyone at some point in their life. It’s not a sin to feel this way, so stop scolding yourself.
Valentine’s Day is a holiday to show love. No one says that love must be shown in a romantic way.
This is a great time to show your affection and appreciation for the wonderful people in your life. Get your best friend a box of chocolates or your mom a bouquet of flowers. Put a card on your neighbor’s windshield and your coworker’s computer monitor. Buy your pet a new toy or treat. Give your child a special treat.
You can be filled with love by being loved, and you can be filled with love by loving others. The more love YOU show today, the more love you will feel inside. You will be amazed at how the loneliness quickly slips away when you are full of love.
Don’t let the commercialism of the holiday make you feel alone and isolated. You can have a lovely Valentine’s day if you love yourself and others.
How many times during the year do you make a real effort to show yourself love? If you’re like most people, you don’t really think much about how you treat yourself.
This Valentine’s Day, if you find yourself a party of one, try and make the best of it by focusing all of your love and attention on yourself. Take yourself out to a nice dinner. Or, if you don’t like the idea of sitting at a table alone surrounded by couples, then order in your favorite food and watch your favorite movie.
Take a nice long bath. Listen to your favorite band. Buy yourself a little gift on the way home from work. Use this Valentine’s Day to commit to showing yourself more love and kindness throughout the year.
Now, go out and snap up some of those delicious chocolates before they are gone!
For many people, drinking alcohol is something that is done on occasion and in moderation. Having a glass or two of champagne on New Year’s Eve or a cocktail out with friends is nothing to be concerned about. For others, however, alcohol is not something one marks a special occasion with; it is the main event. There […]
For many people, drinking alcohol is something that is done on occasion and in moderation. Having a glass or two of champagne on New Year’s Eve or a cocktail out with friends is nothing to be concerned about.
For others, however, alcohol is not something one marks a special occasion with; it is the main event.
There are a variety of factors that can influence a person’s behavior when it comes to drinking such as genetics, biology and the environment. While the reasons one becomes addicted to alcohol can vary, what is consistent is a desire to keep drinking, despite being shown the devastation it is causing to their life.
Here are some of the most common excuses people make to keep drinking:
I’ll Lose My Friends if I Quit Drinking
Many a social life is based on partying and having a good time, and that typically includes drinking alcohol. This is especially true for younger people, who feel pressured to drink when they are around their friends. “No one will invite me to their parties if I refuse to drink.” “Everyone will think I’m weird or uptight if I’m the only one not drinking.”
While friends and associates may take notice, it’s important to realize that real friends will want to spend time with you no matter what. Those that don’t may have a drinking problem themselves and are uncomfortable around your healthy change in behavior.
Wine is Good for Me
While numerous studies have suggested consuming alcohol, red wine in particular, can benefit the heart and improve cholesterol levels, all speak of consuming in moderate amounts. In fact, a majority of US health agencies recommend no more than two drinks a day for men, and only one for women.
So, while some studies suggest drinking in moderation is good for health, the amount is really key. If you find you are drinking more than one or two glasses each day, you are no longer promoting health.
Drinking Relieves Stress
It’s no secret that stress can wreak havoc on our health. And no one can really blame a person if they want to somehow “take the edge off.” But alcohol consumption is not a healthy way to deal with stress. For those with unhealthy drinking behaviors, the one or two glasses needed to take that edge off turns into three, four and more. Stress and alcohol feed off of each other.
There are much healthier ways to alleviate stress such as meditation, journaling, speaking with a therapist, yoga, and finding a hobby you love.
Quitting drinking is incredibly difficult, but, with the right support, it can be done. If you or a loved one has a drinking problem and is interested in exploring treatment, please contact Aloha Behavioral Consultants today at 801.399.1818. We would be happy to speak with you about how we can help.
Military families are uniquely affected by work and life stressors. Deployment, pre-deployment training and preparation, as well as reintegration into civilian can affect not only the service member, but their spouse and family. Service Members While Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) receives a great deal of attention and discussion, transition stress is another affliction affecting veterans […]
Military families are uniquely affected by work and life stressors. Deployment, pre-deployment training and preparation, as well as reintegration into civilian can affect not only the service member, but their spouse and family.
Service Members
While Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) receives a great deal of attention and discussion, transition stress is another affliction affecting veterans that is often overlooked. According to a 2018 study published by Clinical Psychology Review, many veterans struggle with the transition back to civilian life. The excitement and purpose of serving in uniform, the sense of belonging, and the camaraderie of their squad can cause transitioning veterans to feel a loss of identity as they shift back into civilian life. Difficulty finding new employment and re-establishing relationships with family and friends after deployment can also present unique challenges. Left untreated, these issues can lead to anxiety, depression and other disorders.
Spouse
Being married to a service member uniquely affects a spouse. With their spouse’s expected long-term absence comes the stress and responsibility of maintaining a home and family alone. Uprooting from one home to another is stressful and exhausting, and presents the military spouse with numerous challenges to overcome as they support their deployed spouse, a home and family.
Family
Every child reacts differently to a parent’s deployment. However a child reacts, they will likely struggle with the change in their family dynamic. Children are emotionally vulnerable to the effects of deployment. Studies have shown that young children with a deployed parent are more likely to exhibit behavioral problems, as well as experience depression and anxiety.
There are many difficulties military families must face in selfless service to our nation’s security. Our counselors and therapists are experienced in supporting military families as they cope with the unique challenges presented by the military lifestyle. Aloha Behavioral accepts Tricare and is proud to provide effective, comprehensive mental health services tailored to military active duty and their families. To schedule an appointment, call 801.399.1818.
Are you one of those people who has never quite felt like an introvert but are definitely not an extrovert? Have you read descriptions of either personality and thought, “Mmm, close, but not quite?” If so, you might be what is called an extroverted introvert (EI). Extroverted introverts, also called “outgoing introverts” or “social introverts”, […]
Are you one of those people who has never quite felt like an introvert but are definitely not an extrovert? Have you read descriptions of either personality and thought, “Mmm, close, but not quite?” If so, you might be what is called an extroverted introvert (EI).
Extroverted introverts, also called “outgoing introverts” or “social introverts”, have qualities of both personalities. They are not entirely loners but don’t necessarily enjoy spending time with large groups of people.
Most people are, in fact, somewhere in the middle of the extrovert/introvert spectrum, sharing qualities of both introversion and extroversion. Let’s take a look at some of the characteristics of an extroverted introvert.
How you feel can be directly linked to your environment. What kind of music is playing, how many people are there, and the overall noise level can affect you greatly. If you’re an EI, you will either feel energized or drained depending on your surroundings.
There is a part of you that truly enjoys meeting new people and hearing their personal stories. Then there is the other part of you that loathes the idea of spending every second of the day with other people. You like people, but you can only take them in small doses.
You’ve been known to hold your own in witty small talk and can make a room full of people chuckle. But when alone, you are generally thinking about the meaning of life and other huge topics. You like to have fun, but if you’re honest, you prefer to be left alone to think things through.
You’re more like a cat than a dog. While you can be outgoing and find other’s company enjoyable on occasion, you’re not going to feel comfortable around strangers right off the bat. It takes you awhile to warm up to new people and situations before you are truly comfortable enough to let loose and be yourself.
Whenever the topic comes up and you tell your friends and relatives that you’re actually an introvert, no one believes you.
If this sounds like you, welcome to the club. Many artists, writers and other creative types often identify as extroverted introverts so you are in good company!
By: Carrie Collins As the end of January approaches, many of us are struggling to keep our New Year’s Resolutions or have already given up. If this has happened to you, don’t put yourself down or have the mindset you aren’t strong enough. The fact is, most resolutions fail. According to U.S. News & World […]
By: Carrie Collins
As the end of January approaches, many of us are struggling to keep our New Year’s Resolutions or have already given up. If this has happened to you, don’t put yourself down or have the mindset you aren’t strong enough. The fact is, most resolutions fail. According to U.S. News & World Report, about 80% of New Year’s resolutions are kaput by mid-February.
It is incredibly disheartening to feel like you’ve failed. You were so gung-ho after the holidays, right? You were going to lose 20 pounds, start meditating, volunteer more, have a cleaner house, get a better job, go to therapy, and be a better friend – making 2020 YOUR YEAR! You wanted a “New Year, New Me”, kind of 2020 right? Setting too many resolutions is just 1 reason we don’t meet our goals. So, where did you go wrong and how do you get back on track? Here are some tips:
S – Specific. Your objective should be crystal clear. A good goal answers the 5W’s – who, what, when, where, why and how.
M – Measurable You need to have a way to track your progress and determine when you’ve “accomplished” your goal. Example: Your goal is to save $500. Plan how much you need to save weekly to reach your goal by your determined date. Track and adjust as needed to accomplish your goal.
A – Attainable Your goal should stretch your abilities, but remain realistic.
R – Relevant Your goal must be personally meaningful to you, and you must have or be able to get the proper support and resources to make it happen.
T – Time-Bound Set yourself deadlines, both for achieving the larger goal, as well as for milestones along the way to keep yourself on track.
Lastly, treat each day as New Year’s Day. Every day is a new opportunity to start over! You don’t need January 1st to motivate you to achieve your goals. Be gentle with yourself. Practice positive self-talk, have a support system, and celebrate your victories!
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million adults over the age of 18 suffer from an anxiety disorder. If you are one of them, you know how difficult your life can feel most days. When anxiety strikes, the world around us can become a sort of funhouse, only not that much […]
According to the Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 40 million adults over the age of 18 suffer from an anxiety disorder. If you are one of them, you know how difficult your life can feel most days.
When anxiety strikes, the world around us can become a sort of funhouse, only not that much fun. It’s important to be able to self-soothe in these instances. But how can you calm an anxiety attack subtly when you’re out in public?
As soon as you feel the anxiety coming on, focus intently on your breathing and nothing else. Begin to take slow, deep breaths. Inhale for a slow count of three…hold for a count of three…and exhale for a count of three. Focus only on the sound and feeling of your breath. Slow deep breaths send a signal to our body that we are not under attack and everything is okay.
In your mind, remind yourself that you are having an experience with anxiety but that you are NOT that experience. While you feel that something is wrong, remind yourself that you are actually safe and all is well.
Think of something that calms you. This may be your childhood bedroom or your grandparent’s home. It could be your favorite beach or your own bathtub. Simply put yourself IN that space. Use your full imagination to feel yourself there and allow the calm to settle over you.
Keep a small vile of your favorite calming oil in your purse or pocket and inhale its scent. You can even rub some between your finger and then rub on your temples to calm down. Aloha carries high quality doTERRA Lavender, Bergamot, Vetiver, Clary Sage, Frankincense, plus the entire line of Emotional Aromatherapy oils. We have lots of samples you can test when you come in. Just ask someone at the front desk!
If you’ve never tried listening meditation, we recommend it for everyone. It can be especially beneficial when you are feeling anxious and here is why. Listening requires you to stop thinking. Try it now. Stop reading and instead listen to all of the ambient sounds there in the room with you, outside the door and window.
What do you hear?
Let your sense of hearing grow and grow, picking up more subtle sounds. The buzz of the lights overhead… the noise of the ice maker… a bee at the window… your dog’s collar down the hall.
In order to really give sound your full attention, you can’t think while listening. At first, it’s a bit like trying to juggle while standing on your hands, but with practice it gets easier.
Much of our anxiety comes from our anxious thoughts. It’s our reptilian brain trying to keep us alive by alerting us to all of the dangers around us. But when we meditate, this mind chatter goes away.
When an anxiety attack comes on, life can feel unbearable. The next time this happens to you in public, try one or more of these techniques.
If you’d like to speak with someone about your anxiety, please call Aloha Behavioral at 801.399.1818. We’d be happy to explore treatment options.
With 322 million people suffering with depression worldwide, it’s not surprising to learn that in America, depression is among the most common mental disorders. The cause of depression is often simplified as a chemical imbalance in the brain, but the reality is that the disease is far more complicated. Scientific research has yet to completely […]
With 322 million people suffering with depression worldwide, it’s not surprising to learn that in America, depression is among the most common mental disorders. The cause of depression is often simplified as a chemical imbalance in the brain, but the reality is that the disease is far more complicated. Scientific research has yet to completely understand the biology of depression. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, depression is caused by a combination of genetic, biological, environmental and psychological factors.
The disease of depression is the complicated combination previously described; this disease gives you the predisposition to fall into a depression after having experienced a negative external event. For example, getting fired from a job might send one person into a deep depression, while another simply bounces back after experiencing the initial sadness and disappointment.
Many experts in the cognitive behavioral field believe that depression is caused by, and worsens, with distorted negative thinking. The emotions you experience during an episode of depression are created by negative thoughts and perceptions. Your feelings will result from the meaning you attach to those thoughts. If you eliminate distorted, negative thoughts, you will find it easier to cope with the negative event that triggered your depression.
If you felt fine yesterday, but today feel depressed and hopeless, distorted thinking may be to blame. As an example, let’s say you woke up late and had to rush to work. This put you in a bad mood, and you started thinking distorted negative thoughts. “I’m always late. I’m a loser. My boss is going to be angry at me all day. He probably hates me anyway. I’m going to get fired.” As the day goes on, every event will be processed through this negative filter, causing you to feel worse.
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy is a form of psychotherapy that helps you challenge negative patterns of thought. By challenging these thoughts, you can improve your mood. For example, “I’m always late.” This is an overgeneralization. More than likely, you have not been late that often. If this is something you want to change, you can alter your schedule and habits to become more punctual.
Depression is a complicated illness, and as such is best managed by comprehensive treatment. If you’re suffering from depression, a licensed therapist can help you understand your mood disorder and develop strategies to cope with and improve your symptoms. Together, we can develop a plan for you to create the life you want to live. Give my office a call today, and let’s schedule a time to talk.
Many parents experience clinical depression each year. As if the disease weren’t enough, recognizing its effects on your children can be quite painful. Studies have shown that children of depressed parents are at greater risk of not only developing depression themselves, but also of poor physical health, problems bonding, anxiety, poor self-esteem and aggressive behavior. Of […]
Many parents experience clinical depression each year. As if the disease weren’t enough, recognizing its effects on your children can be quite painful.
Studies have shown that children of depressed parents are at greater risk of not only developing depression themselves, but also of poor physical health, problems bonding, anxiety, poor self-esteem and aggressive behavior. Of course, different things will determine the severity of any potential issues the child may face down the road, such as the quality of the relationship between the parent and child, and how quickly the parent can recover and maintain a healthy mental and emotional state.
Though it is not possible to completely protect children from the effects of a parent’s depression, there are some things you can do to help your child understand and cope. While it will be difficult, children cope unusually well if their parent is honest, able to communicate what’s going on, and offer support as much as possible.
As communication is critical, here are some things children of depressed parents need to hear.
It’s Not Your Fault
From a child’s point of view, the world really does revolve around them. Translation: Children of depressed parents will naturally assume they did something to make mommy or daddy sad and angry. In order to help your child develop a positive self-esteem, make it clear that what is going on is not their fault.
You are Not Responsible for Taking Care of Me
Even if a child is convinced they are not the cause of the depression, they will naturally feel compelled to make their parent well. When nothing they do eradicates the sadness, they will feel as though they failed. It’s important you clearly communicate that getting better is your responsibility and not theirs.
I Love You
Let your child know how much you love them and that your goal is to get well so you can take care of them. Also, it’s important to articulate that if you feel you cannot take care of their needs properly, you will find another adult who can. Be sure to be as specific as possible about what need (driving them to practice) and who will help them (Aunt Sarah will take you and pick you up).
It’s Okay to Feel Your Feelings
Children will feel guilty for having bad feelings toward their sick parent. Though they love their parent, when their needs aren’t being met, they will naturally feel anger, sadness and perhaps resentment.
Be sure to let them know whatever they feel is okay, and help them find outlets and express these feelings. Drawing is a great outlet as is physical activity.
If you are experiencing clinical depression, the most important thing you can do to support your children is to take care of yourself. You are the most important person in your child’s life so taking care of yourself is critical to their well-being.
If you or a loved one is interested in exploring treatment, please contact Aloha Behavioral today at 801.399.1818.